Why Does It Matter?

I had a friend once whom everyone thought was gay. I think it had to do with the fact that he was very metrosexual. He was very well dressed all of the time. He loved his Louis Vuitton bag, and his Abercrombie and Fitch apparel. He even had a more feminine way of talking. For those reasons, I had people coming up to me all the time asking if he was gay, hoping that I would know, since we were close and hung out often. To be honest, I too at the beginning of our friendship had wondered about his sexuality, but I thought more about how I enjoyed spending time with him, and how that was more important. Because of that, I eventually stopped wondering about his sexuality, because it didn't matter.

I had someone I could talk about movies with, and sit next to in class. I had someone that I could laugh with and have inside jokes with regarding the Space Needle story we created in English. He was one of my best friends and I accepted him as he was. Because of this I also noticed how I also become very protective of him. Anytime that someone would say something to me, or ask me if he was gay, I would defensively state "No!"

He would date girls. He dated one of my friends in middle school. He would from time to time talk about his future, getting married (to a woman) and becoming a doctor. However, none of that mattered to the kids in Carson City, Nevada.

It was a small enough town, that most of the kids you went to middle school and high school with, were also the same kids you went to elementary school with. It was these same kids that he had grown up with who also sent him to the school counselor crying because something that they had said or done to him regarding his sexuality.

One day during lunch in Senator Square, my friend and I were having a conversation and laughing when this one kid came up to him, grabbed his butt, then put his hand on my friends face and said, "Hey baby, how much for a blow?" The kid then turned and walked away towards his friends who were keeled over with laughter. He was greeted with high fives. It took everything in my friends power to not cry in front of them. As we walked to the counselors office together he had to keep wiping away his tears. I went with him numerous times to the counselor, and they would just advise that next time that it happens to let them know, and that they could hold a counselor meeting with the people involved in the mistreatment. They then would say if that did not help then the next thing that they would do is put a restraining order on the person/people.

He was very sensitive about his sexuality, and even I had to watch what I said to him. I had heard on the radio once that the Volkswagen Jetta was the most popular car to be bought by Gay men. I thought that it was interesting that a car company knows that, and I wondered if they were just stereotyping or if they actually did a poll to obtain the information. Anyways, one day we were talking about cars that we wanted to have or would like to have, and he had said, "I want a Volkswagen Jetta." Of course I was not thinking about how this would affect him, it was a total "open mouth, insert foot moment," and I told him of the study I had heard about the Jetta being a popular car amongst Gay men. Maybe it was because I didn't think of him in regards to his sexuality, so I was not thinking abut hurting his feelings. But he instantly asked me "what are you trying to say?" I had to tell him that I did not mean it in the context he was taking it. However, that did not help, and he did not talk to me for three days. I even had to talk to his mom who called me and asked me what had happened. We got over it, and we were back to the way we were before the incident.

Of course, as High School goes, some people fall apart due to other interests. He fell into the partying crowd and people, where as I stayed more involved in my learning. We continued to have classes together, and we still talked, but I didn't have the same outside of school interests as he did. Just because we were not hanging out all of the time, does not mean that I still did not hear people comment on his sexuality. They would make derogatory comments behind his back, and say things about how he just needs to come out of the closet. It got really bad when he was at a party that was being thrown by a kid in our school who was popular as well as very vocal about his sexuality towards the same sex. The monday after the party, everyone kept talking about how my friend and this other kid were seen talking a lot at the party, and that instantly made people assume that for sure my friend was Gay, and that he just needs to admit it.

It is sad, because his sexuality followed him until we graduated. I am sure that it still does, and I am sure that he still deals with issues regarding his sexual preference. The sad thing is is that these things still happen, and to an even worse extent that my friend had to deal with. In one of the readings "Lesbian Sues School District Over Harassment," by Judy Peet, it talked about how Nancy Wadington was pushed down the stairs and had people urinate on her bag. She dealt with torment on a daily basis. Another kid had been "slapped, punched and taunted by classmates who thought he was gay." "Thought" is the key word there. It makes me so angry that there has to be hate crimes regarding someone's homosexuality. When I see movies like Boys Don't Cry, Brokeback Mountain, and The Laramie Project, it just upsets me that hate crimes have to be a unresolved issue, and in some states even tolerated. What is people's fascination with knowing if someone is Gay or a Lesbian? No one cares if they are heterosexual, so why does it matter if they homosexual? After "Juno" came out Ellen Page was and is constantly nailed in the press over her sexuality. She even poked fun of it on SNL doing a skit where she goes to a Melissa Etheridge concert with her boyfriend Andy Samberg, and she feels awakened now with "sisterfire." She even says "Why does everything have to have a frickin' label? Why can't I just hug a woman with my legs in friendship?" She even did a magazine shoot with Drew Barrymore, and in one of the pictures they are kissing. This again brought many people to question the sexuality of both actresses and Ellen's again. Also just recently, in Hollywood, Jeremy Renner, who was nominated for an Oscar for his role in "The Hurt Locker," had his sexuality questioned when the day after the Oscars, his old acting coach claims that Jeremy is gay.


This brings me to my question, why does it matter? Does it take away from either of their acting abilities? Why does it matter what someone's sexual desires are? No one is normal. People are all different, even "heterosexuals" have weird and odd fetishes that can take them out of the normal category, so why does it matter to call someone out on their homosexuality? Why do hate crimes have to happen and be tolerated? Until something is done, there are going to be other actors questioned, and other kids in school who will be victims of hate crimes and torment like Nancy and my friend. I think that everyone should read the "Heterosexual Questionnaire," adapted from ©1972, Martin Rochlin, Ph.D. Because when I read it, it put me into the shoes of someone who is constantly questioned about something that should not matter to anyone but myself and the person I am involved with. It made me feel like I was not in the "normal" category, which I think everyone needs to feel once, especially heterosexual, because it might make some people think differently. Either way, heterosexual or homosexual it is all normal to me, so it should not matter.

IT KILLS

Images courtesy of Google Images
"Lesbian Sues School District," by Judy Peet

How Shall We Communicate?

I read the reading/movie review for this week by Roger Ebert for the movie "Children of a Lesser God," before I sat down and watched the movie. Since I read the review first, I made it apparent to pay attention to the things that Ebert mentioned in the review, to see if I too noticed what he was talking about and how I felt about it.

I do have to agree with Roger Ebert on this one, it would have been nice if part of the movie was put into the perspective of the character Sarah (Marlee Matlin). There were only two little scenes in the whole movie that went without actual actor's making the sound, and there was very music being played, which was hardly audible, and those two scenes were when Sarah was swimming naked. I do have to say that this did make me a little aggravated, and I did have to role my eyes, because I felt that the only two scenes where they actually (sort of) put the audience in her inaudible world is when she is swimming around naked in a very sensual way. Why not the scene when she is watching James' (William Hurt) class perform at the school talent show? I felt that I would have been able to relate better, and understand her point of view better in that scene if it did in fact alternate from sound to no sound. I felt that this would have truly helped the audience, or at least myself, sympathize with Sarah more in the scene. Even perhaps the scene when she is at the poker table with everyone. I felt that that would have been a good scene as well, since she looked confused about what was going on. James also felt so inclined to take credit for her being who she is as a person. James did not teach her how to play poker, he even admits it; yet, when Dr. Franklin (Philip Bosco) congratulates him on the fine job he is doing with Sarah, which to me is nothing because he is not teaching her anything, he takes the credit and says thank you. But this scene also lead me to believe that she could to some degree understand a little bit of lip reading, hence the confused, unsure look on her face. At least that is the impression that I got.


I also have to add that because those are the only two scenes in the whole movie that are without major sound, it really displays Sarah as a physical object. Really? The only way they could get the audience to relate to her character and experience her silent world was to show her swimming nude? To experience being deaf I guess we all just have to swim around naked. A ha! In fact, I can recall that there is indeed a scene after Sarah leaves James, where he is emerged in the water, naked. Who knows maybe he is half-naked. You really can't tell because they did not objectify James as a sex object like they did with Sarah. So he is in the water trying to emerge himself in her world of silence: he is trying to see what it is like being deaf. Like I said, swimming in water naked is key to knowing what being deaf is like!


In Roger Ebert's review he states that "the true subject of this movie... is communication between two people who speak differently." He outlined well in the review how the character of James is really set on trying to get Sarah to learn how to pronounce words/speak as well as read lips. Why? Well, to make speaking to Sarah more convenient for him obviously. This really bothered me in the movie the way he just assumed she could read lips. The part that bothered me the most was when she got up to get more tea or coffee, and he asked her to get him some more as well, but realized that she could not hear him. He seemed almost annoyed, which was what bothered me. I understand that being in any sort of relationship, whether it is with friends, family, partner, etc.. it is all about communication, so I can see why maybe the annoyance on his part. He wants to feel special too, and have her meet him half way. However, he needed to realize that he has the ability to be able to communicate with her in any way he chooses. She does not have that luxury. I feel as if he wants her to be more "normal" in getting her talk and read lips. If she were blind would he force her to try and see? If she were in a wheelchair and unable to walk would he try and convince her that she may be able to walk if she just try hard enough? I don't think so. So why should he force her to try and communicate in a convenient way for him?


All this communication talk leads me to my last point of the movie, and that is sexual communication. Besides the fact that there was a lot of sexuality in the movie, I felt that it was put in there because these two were both too stubborn to really take the time to communicate in any other way. During one scene, they start to get into a fight, and instead of working it out and communicating audibly/visually, they battled it out on the floor communicating sexually. Which the audience can see that it did nothing to solve their problem. I just truly felt that every scene had to lead to, talk about, and show sex in some way. He hardly even knows her, and they start talking about her sex life. I believe they even get into a little argument about it. Which also helps me prove my point that sex is the main issue for both of them. Honestly, you are trying really hard to get to know someone and you really can only bring up and talk about their sex life? That's a good relationship with strong communication.

I also felt that he was more supportive and understanding of his students then he was of Sarah. That is one positive thing about this movie though, is his support and acceptance of his students. I just wish he was more like that with Sarah, and showed his communication with her in a non-sexual way. To sum it up, I thought that the movie was mediocre. I was hoping that it was a more positive movie for people with hearing impairments, and a more positive movie for people to see about people who have hearing impairments. If they did put the audience in her silent world and cut out some of the sound in the movie, it would have probably have been more effective. I also didn't like how, as Ebert puts it, Sarah is a "stubborn object," which I agree with, because instead of making the audience reach out to Sarah and understand her, her stubbornness makes the audience side with James. I mean really lady, how hard is it for you to learn to read lips?


It really just shows how he is not accepting of her disability, which can make the audience feel the same way. It teaches people that people who are deaf should be able to learn how to communicate with the "TAB", instead of the other way around. I also feel that if the roles were reversed and James' character were deaf, Sarah would bend over backwards to communicate with James through signing. She would not have ever tried to force him to speak or read lips. She may have encouraged him, but once he showed that he only wanted to sign, she would have accepted it.


Like I said, the movie was mediocre, and not as positive as I would have hoped. I feel like the movie, "The Family Stone," did a better job showing how a family, and people in relationships with deaf people learn to communicate with them in a loving, positive, accepting way that makes the audience see that it is not that hard or challenging/aggravating to truly communicate by signing.

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Movie Clip Courtesy of YouTube